I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
