All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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