i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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