she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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