perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
