it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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