if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
