areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
