At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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