you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
