Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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