I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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