I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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