He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
