just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
