apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
