After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
