I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
