the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize