I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
