did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
