So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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