I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
another moral hangover. fuck.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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