Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
