I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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