Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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