Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
