Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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