Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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