We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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