This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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