I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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