Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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