obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
