i don't like sucking hair
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
