i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
