If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
