I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
