is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
