Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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