bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize