so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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