Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
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