so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
