alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
