Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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