so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
not ubering you a puppy
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
