while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize