Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
