my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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