Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize