hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize