well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
