I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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