No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
