this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just threw up on my dentist
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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