Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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