so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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