i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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