were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
