4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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