suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you never un-have a 4some
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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