it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize