College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
