Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
