When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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