Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
