Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
